I’ve been having an internal struggle regarding the launching of this new blog over the last month, hence the radio silence while I quietly grappled with it. I’m not sure what it is about me, but I always do this… get super GUNG! HO! about something new and rush full-steam-ahead with it with no regard for pacing myself, only to (obviously!) run out of power, ideas, or desire.
It’s not in my nature to want to do things anything at half power, and blogging is no exception. I can’t muster the energy or commitment to post every day, so I just didn’t post at all. Can someone explain to me why once or twice a week seems so ludicrous to me? I suffer from this same predicament when it comes to healing my back from its herniated disc… I want to go all out exercising or else just sit on the couch for a year until I can.
But I am slowly learning about moderation, in all aspects of my life, and it’s a good time for this lesson. Really, this utter avoidance of things I want to do if I can’t give them 100% is about fear of failure. I’ve felt like a failure so often in the last few years that I’m not sure my heart can take it if I add any more endeavours to the pile, so best not to try, right? But come on now, we’re talking about blogging… there is no failing at something I do for fun. Maybe if I allow myself to just enjoy writing for the sake of participating in blogging, I can consider that a success, even if I’m not Winning At The Internet.
I am not going to commit to any posting frequency. But I will commit to blogging. I know this is one of my passions. I feel like I’m living a fuller life when this is part of my life. I need a creative outlet; I want my story to be heard, I want to connect with others. I want this little dusty corner of my own on the Internet. I want to pretty it up and may even do just that in the near future.